Bring On The Bad Guys: Darth Vader, Loki, & Darkseid

Egads! Another molotov cocktail that's served as a kids drink. Say it isn't so! Say we don't have to suffer the bad guys again! Yes, sad for all of those within hearing range... you will submit!  Your lethal injection of mean is back with this month’s rendition of “Bring on the Bad Guys,” and once again we show that we don’t discriminate because of race, sex, color, or creed. If you’re rotten, you qualify. And there are many ways to qualify. It might be that you enjoy kicking cats. It might be that you eat people. Or...maybe it’s because you’re one of Satan’s soldiers. In any event, we flip through the PREVIEWS catalog each month to see who needs to be called out as a deviant, and then we explain why these people … or things … or whatever they are … shouldn’t be helped if you see them bleeding in the middle of the street.

Let us begin.

It's that time of the year when the next new year's celebrations begin after the new year. Meaning, the ball dropped, the confetti fell to the ground, everyone went home, and this is the first occasion for us to celebrate the next holiday. Whether it's Passover or Easter, many folks are visiting, eating, coloring eggs, and whatnot. Well, not us. Nope. We're bringing a battering ram to that family sit-down. We're knocking the plates off the table, spilling the wine, and demanding that all in attendence pay heed to this formal decree: it's that time of the month where we bring out the bad guys! Good behavior and agreeable demeanor be damned. Our first order of business is to decide which days of the week we should first target for mass anarchy, as you can't control people until they've seen there's nothing left for them to hold onto, private property or whatever else that's dear to them. To keep track of when next to sound the air raid siren, stay on top of the days of the week with the Darth Vader And Family 2017 Wall Calendar (APR162271).

What better way to show the followers who's your leader than by showcasing the Dark Lord of the Sith, and touting him as master of your destiny? But get ready for the wise guy in the room who'll point to Jeffrey Brown's cover, and say how it's so sweet that Vader is giving ice cream to Leia and Luke. You'll hear that Vader's really a nice guy under that breathing apparatus. Take that dog outside and put him out of his misery. He's obviously not with the program. Then, upon re-entering the room, assure all the hostages that the cover to this calendar is...uhm, temporary. Yes. The cover image is simply a...placeholder. That's it. The real cover is pending approval, and it will surely depict Vader in all of his...Sithness.

Vacant eys staring at you now? Re-direct them to the Darkseid and Grail Action Figure 2-Pack (APR160448). Now you will have obedience. Now they will fear you. Darkseid doesn't play, baby, this dark lord of Apokolips figure comes straight from the pages of the Justice Leage epic "Darkseid War," featuring his equally fearsome daughter, Grail. Darkseid stands 12" tall, and his offspring comes in at 6" tall. The big dude comes with extra hands, and Grail includes extra hands, a cape and battleaxe.

Impressive and intimidating? Yes. Are we done calling out this month's gang of rogues? No. Our movement to control the conversation at the table is not only physical, it's political! Haven't you heard before that the pen is mightier than the sword? Well, guess how maniacal a pen can be in the hands of the God of Mischief?

Imagine the nuclear meltdown you'll hold over people's heads when Loki #1 (APR160909) by Christopher Hastings shows you how Loki wants to be President of the United States? That's it! Game over! Who can ever think the world of politics can ever go back to the way things were when the God of Lies does his best to convince everyone to let him be the one who holds his finger over the red button? Nukes controlled by the ultimate trickster? That devilish smile now on campaign posters.

Yes. And this is the gang in your corner. These are your movers and shakers. Watch the old guard drop to their knees and wail, because now they'll know that desert is never coming, and they'll be no more presents for anyone for the rest of the year.

The sheep will stand. They will now willingly hold their arms over their heads, and allow themselves to be escorted out of the room to make their way to the Wheel of Pain, or the Tree of Death. The lucky ones will be made to clean the stalls. And the enforcers for your new work program will be none other than two cool Funko flunkies: the Vinyl Idolz American Psycho: Patrick Bateman Vinyl Figure (JAN168013) and the Vinyl Idolz Breaking Bad: Walter White Vinyl Figure (JAN168014). Both can be trusted to keep the flock in line, and it'll make things easier for you to sneak out and have a milkshake while plotting global conquest.

All of these bad guys can be found in the April issue of the PREVIEWS comic shop catalog. And we'll be back next month to call out the bad guys who'll keep the sheep from getting sleep. Onward to pillage!